That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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