I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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