I met the friendliest cop last night
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
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He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
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However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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