whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Your penis caused this!
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