Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
