I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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