I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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