im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
