i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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