I think i peed on brittanys purse
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
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