this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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