every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I could make wine with my vomit
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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