you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
