Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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