you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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