this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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