My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I fill condoms, not promises.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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