i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
