did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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