He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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