Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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