fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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