What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
This toilet bowl is my home.
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