I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
