Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
