well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize