I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
How does one acquire holy water?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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