my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
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She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
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You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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