What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
