she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
