So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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