Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
