I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
