Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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