You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
