I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
