I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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