it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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