every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
