That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Randomize
