I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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