Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
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You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
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You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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