There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
