Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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