trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
