Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
