im six kinds of drunk right now
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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