dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
