you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
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