Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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