Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
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