Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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