I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
