Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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