Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
