he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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