Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
