the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize