Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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