Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
