someone owes me an orgasm
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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