Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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