I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize