She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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