Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
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