Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
