I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
