yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
