considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
