the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
