Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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