My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
