Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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