Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
