PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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