Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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