she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
