I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
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